so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just made my gag reflex go away.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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