the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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