you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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