covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
