I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
