the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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