genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize