Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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