are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
