My nipple is on Facebook.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
