I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
