I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
