She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
