Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize