The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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