Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
