Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
