Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The adults are the big ones right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
