we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
