I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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