apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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