Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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