You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
