pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
