how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
being pregnant is like rehab
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
