I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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