yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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