She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
