On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
