dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
