So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
