I just pynch a tree in the face
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
True strength comes from lack of pants
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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