May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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