Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We smell like vodka and hangover
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