he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
