It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
