Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
