Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
