Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
