one two three fourrrrnication!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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