All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We named our party play list daddy issues
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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