she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
