Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
