dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
