my phone needs a breathalizer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
