When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
