so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
