You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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