sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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