you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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