I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
