Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
