is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
