I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
