u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
