We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I believe in your delicious
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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