I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
