My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
