i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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