First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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