Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
