is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
