he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
