my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
