Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
