I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
