I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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