How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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