Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
