We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize