i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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