I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize