I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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