I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
