Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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