Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
