69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Green mimosas i think yes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
