you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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