of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
