Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
