something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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