Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
