She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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