i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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