Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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