mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
