I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
