I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
