happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
